A HARD HEAD MAKES A SOFT BEHIND
When me and my sisters were disobedient my mother with give
as the “a hard head makes a soft behind” warning she got from her grandfather
“Papa”. This warning was used alternately with the “look” that made us know we
were cruising for a bruising. Being the baby boy and the boy baby she prayed to
have to straighten my father out (it didn’t work), I often ignored the
warnings.
My sisters have said Mama spoiled me. I insist I spoiled
myself. I recall getting one whooping. It was for stealing a ring from a neighbor’s
apartment (there’s a story there). I don’t count the time she pummeled me very
lightly with her fist (there’s a story there too). And, even the whooping I
count wasn’t so severe. Before she even hit me with belt I was whaling and
saying “You killing me”.
She hit me maybe three licks. My Best Girl is as crazy about
me as I am about her.
Anyway, what made me think of that yesterday? Oh, I was
thinking of reasons not to get into devilment. That was the reason that stopped
me from getting into devilment and thinking about it. In Alcoholic’s and
Narcotic’s Anonymous rehab programs and
meetings the phrase “play the tape all the way through”, referencing bad
outcomes from “use”. How do I know? (there’s a story there).
What is important is that Mama’s warnings regarding my
behavioral choices are still very vividly in my head, which is no longer so
hard. I have learned to listen to that angel in my mind.
As my 54th
birthday approaches (January 17th) I am noticing a distinct shift in
my thinking process. It’s more “spiritual” or maybe just less physical. No it’s
more spiritual. Though I am the same weight I was through junior high and high
school (145), for some reason it seems my belly protrudes far more now than it
did then. And my chest… breast sag. Is a man’s chest called breast?
Whatever they’re called, they sag. I thought about doing push ups and sit ups
and stuff. Then I told myself I know I wouldn’t do it consistently enough to
make a difference. And, why bother anyway nobody sees it but me. And, should
anyone else see it, its not to the degree that it would gross a person out, but
it would definitely be a deterrent to any ideas of an intimate encounter. But
that’s not likely anyway, because no one ever really flirts with me like that.
Sorry, I got a bit sidetracked. What I was saying is that
experience and time has taught me finally to enjoy doing what is right and
viewed in its proper perspective, devilment ain’t all that much fun after all.
You know up until about a month ago you might have argued that I had a hard
head and I might have argued with you that I didn’t. Today, I hear and agree
with Mama, a hard head makes a soft behind. And, I don’t know about you, but
there ain’t nothing in life worth a whooping. Things to die for to be sure but
to take whooping for… at 54? Nah.